…I mean really, they’re a poor man’s horse and a poor man’s donkey rolled into one. You know what we call that? A mule. “Oh but the zebra has stripes!” So it’s a freaking striped mule. Who wants to go to a zoo and look at a striped mule? Let me get this straight, first we’re going to look at the lions who, if let loose, would control most of our major cities in a matter of weeks, and then we’re gonna check out the striped mule exhibit?
What’s worse is I think the zebras know they’re overrated and have been doing everything they can to hide it for decades. They all pray to God no one ever asks them to hall sh*t over a mountain pass, or prance around at an equestrian show, because the charade would come crashing down right then and there.
Ever notice how, after a lion eats one of the zebras, none of the zebras really seem all that bummed out? Oh sure, theres kicking and running and general chaos. But look at their eyes. Nothing. No emotion. They know that sacrifices must be made to keep this lifestyle going.
You really think a zebra that’s been living in the fast lane of Africa his whole life, being chased by lions and filmed by the Discovery Channel in HD wants to wake up one day to find he’s a present for some spoiled 8 year old girl in Coto De Caza who’s going to call him Oreo for the rest of his pathetic life? Hell no! Zebras don’t wanna go out like that.
And you know what? I have to tip my cap to them for playing their cards right so far. They’ve managed to be portrayed as a majestic, exotic animal, always in the victim role.
Can we take them down in one fell swoop? Not likely. But remember, a forest fire starts with just one spark.
I think we all need to reevaluate our opinion of zebras.
What’s worse is I think the zebras know they’re overrated and have been doing everything they can to hide it for decades. They all pray to God no one ever asks them to hall sh*t over a mountain pass, or prance around at an equestrian show, because the charade would come crashing down right then and there.
Ever notice how, after a lion eats one of the zebras, none of the zebras really seem all that bummed out? Oh sure, theres kicking and running and general chaos. But look at their eyes. Nothing. No emotion. They know that sacrifices must be made to keep this lifestyle going.
You really think a zebra that’s been living in the fast lane of Africa his whole life, being chased by lions and filmed by the Discovery Channel in HD wants to wake up one day to find he’s a present for some spoiled 8 year old girl in Coto De Caza who’s going to call him Oreo for the rest of his pathetic life? Hell no! Zebras don’t wanna go out like that.
And you know what? I have to tip my cap to them for playing their cards right so far. They’ve managed to be portrayed as a majestic, exotic animal, always in the victim role.
Can we take them down in one fell swoop? Not likely. But remember, a forest fire starts with just one spark.
I think we all need to reevaluate our opinion of zebras.
Zebras are also cowards...although easy domesticated they spook at the slightest provocation, throwing riders, and toppling even the best of corrals.....down with the cowards!!
ReplyDeleteI would personally hate to see the end of all zebrakind. Shame on anyone thinking of this precious animals extintion. To compare zebras to lions is not even a fair contest. Anyone who suggests lions are better than zebras has never had a lion or a zebra. Have you ever had a lion or a zebra "manbearpig", if thats even your real name. I don't think you have. Because if you had, you would know that yes, lions are tougher, but who wants that. I think Zebras are one of the most tender animals on our planet. If cooked properly the meat falls right off the bone.
ReplyDeleteIts true. For decades now zebras (Equus stripus), have enjoyed an approval rating only dreamed of by their seemingly lesser equine brethren the donkey (Equus asinas). Most experts agree that the residual adoration still enjoyed today by the zebras began back in 1961 when they became an overnight sensation playing a pivotal role in the John Wayne family movie release, HATARI! When the roles for background animals went up for casting, the Zebra Guild was represented by the then very well connected Irv Nuusbaum. Conversely the Donkeys representation Hank Durbin (known to imbibe in the spirits) tried to play hardball with Paramount Studios saying "Our Donkeys are 'offer only' and will not read for the parts". Which was understandable since at the time donkeys still couldn't even use a typewriter much less read. As a result the zebras landed the roles that would endear them to the public at large and would never again be thought of as the plankton of the African Plain. I guess in the end its all about representaion. Kinda like how everyone thinks crickets are cute and cock roaches are discusting, Jiminy cricket just had a better agent than than ricky the cock roach.
ReplyDeleteStop wasting your talent on these comments papa thole, and write a new post already.
ReplyDelete