So I’m in Macy’s the other day, looking for dress shirts that have the measurements I need (15 ½ - 34/35) and finally find a couple that have those readings. Perfect. I grab a couple from different companies, including Hugo Boss and Geoffrey Beene, and head to the dressing rooms just to make sure they fit right.
And here is where the reason for my post today begins. This is part 1, with part 2 coming in the future…
If you’re selling something, generally your goal is for it to be very easy for potential customers to see your product in action, and hopefully once this happens, the product will sell itself. For instance, if you were interested in purchasing an iPod, Apple has set up rows and rows of iPods within their stores so that you can see just how easy it can be for you to carry all of you favorite movies and music with you wherever you go. Imagine though, if Apple decided that instead of making it easy, they were going to require that you open all of the packaging for a brand new iPod, break out the USB wires, and sync it to a computer within their stores anytime you wanted to see how an iPod worked. They would never do this, right? And why do we know this? BECAUSE DOING SO WOULD BE FREAKING RETARDED! How would that encourage people to give their product a test drive? And yet, my friends, that is exactly what dress shirt makers like Mr. Boss and Mr. Beene have done.
Back in the mall dressing room, I’m quickly given the task of unwrapping this shirt I want to try on. Think about that for a minute. This dress shirt is wrapped in plastic. Why? Is it going to go stale if exposed to air for too long? Did Mr. Beene unwrap an individual piece of cheese one day and think to himself, “This screams class”? Why are dress shirts the only line of clothing that has earned being wrapped in plastic?
Once said dress shirt is unwrapped, get ready, because now the real work begin
s. And unfortunately if you don’t have an engineering degree from M.I.T., this next step may be more stressful than a day in the life of Jack Bauer. For whatever reason, the shirt has roughly 7 strategically placed sewing pins inserted into it. Why? Again, we can only guess. Was the shirt alive when you packaged it? Was that the only way to keep it from escaping while on its way to department stores across the country? Is there a safe house in Wyoming where escaped dress shirts can gather and live out their days peacefully, like the pre-cogs did at the end of Minority Report?
Seriously, they’ve taken more security precautions with this shirt than they did with the velociraptors at Jurassic Park. The whole experience makes me feel like a contestant on The Amazing Race trying to figure out the bus schedule in Cairo.
By the time you’re done you pray to god that it fits, because if it doesn’t, then yo
u get to do the whole thing all over again with a different shirt. Well I refuse. In the past, I’ve been determined to find a shirt that fits, and end up going through this routine several times. But a man can only take so much. Eventually you will break. Inevitably I end up walking around like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. I see sewing pins that aren’t there. In ties, in shoes, in pineapples…they’re everywhere. Before you know it I’m having insightful conversations with Ed Harris about how the whole thing is the Russian's fault.
And here is where the reason for my post today begins. This is part 1, with part 2 coming in the future…
If you’re selling something, generally your goal is for it to be very easy for potential customers to see your product in action, and hopefully once this happens, the product will sell itself. For instance, if you were interested in purchasing an iPod, Apple has set up rows and rows of iPods within their stores so that you can see just how easy it can be for you to carry all of you favorite movies and music with you wherever you go. Imagine though, if Apple decided that instead of making it easy, they were going to require that you open all of the packaging for a brand new iPod, break out the USB wires, and sync it to a computer within their stores anytime you wanted to see how an iPod worked. They would never do this, right? And why do we know this? BECAUSE DOING SO WOULD BE FREAKING RETARDED! How would that encourage people to give their product a test drive? And yet, my friends, that is exactly what dress shirt makers like Mr. Boss and Mr. Beene have done.
Back in the mall dressing room, I’m quickly given the task of unwrapping this shirt I want to try on. Think about that for a minute. This dress shirt is wrapped in plastic. Why? Is it going to go stale if exposed to air for too long? Did Mr. Beene unwrap an individual piece of cheese one day and think to himself, “This screams class”? Why are dress shirts the only line of clothing that has earned being wrapped in plastic?
Once said dress shirt is unwrapped, get ready, because now the real work begin
s. And unfortunately if you don’t have an engineering degree from M.I.T., this next step may be more stressful than a day in the life of Jack Bauer. For whatever reason, the shirt has roughly 7 strategically placed sewing pins inserted into it. Why? Again, we can only guess. Was the shirt alive when you packaged it? Was that the only way to keep it from escaping while on its way to department stores across the country? Is there a safe house in Wyoming where escaped dress shirts can gather and live out their days peacefully, like the pre-cogs did at the end of Minority Report?Seriously, they’ve taken more security precautions with this shirt than they did with the velociraptors at Jurassic Park. The whole experience makes me feel like a contestant on The Amazing Race trying to figure out the bus schedule in Cairo.
By the time you’re done you pray to god that it fits, because if it doesn’t, then yo
u get to do the whole thing all over again with a different shirt. Well I refuse. In the past, I’ve been determined to find a shirt that fits, and end up going through this routine several times. But a man can only take so much. Eventually you will break. Inevitably I end up walking around like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. I see sewing pins that aren’t there. In ties, in shoes, in pineapples…they’re everywhere. Before you know it I’m having insightful conversations with Ed Harris about how the whole thing is the Russian's fault.So please, can we stop treating new dress shirts like they're something sacred?
Right now you’re probably asking yourself 2 questions….1) What could part 2 of this tale possibly hold and 2) can ManBearPig possibly squeeze more pop culture references (4 so far) into this story than your average Talk Soup episode (5)? Stay tuned…
Right now you’re probably asking yourself 2 questions….1) What could part 2 of this tale possibly hold and 2) can ManBearPig possibly squeeze more pop culture references (4 so far) into this story than your average Talk Soup episode (5)? Stay tuned…
All i can say is ... man you have a small neck
ReplyDeleteThat and shoes. How much packaging do you really need to stuff into a shoe. If the shoe doesn't fit right you have to figure out how to pack all that stuffing back into it so the box can close...
ReplyDelete